Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize