I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
