The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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