You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
