Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
