I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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