Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
