You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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