she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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