I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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