3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
