Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize