The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
