im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
