Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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