I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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