I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
