That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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