I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
