Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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