I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh god it's open bar.
The air taste purple.
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