Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
