no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
