yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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