If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she smelled like a LAN party
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
