Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
