u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize