Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
