Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize