thus making me awesome and them whores
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
