im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
