I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
