If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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