dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
