Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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