My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
