So gin and wine won't be happening again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
