naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I FOUND THE LEGS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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