why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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