I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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