Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
