Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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