Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
