Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
