i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
