i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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