I must be too annoying 4 u.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
