if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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