8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
