He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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