Sry I called you an 8
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
