My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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