My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i've created a new STD.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
