Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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