I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
