Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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