halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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