Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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