Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
