Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
