She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
