dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
