So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
