i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
