you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
