I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just high enough for therapy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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