You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
