Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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