i just had sex bonerless
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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