she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
