my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
