She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
