tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
