I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
